ftalonz
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Devious Journal Entry
2 min read
1/1/2015
I decided for whatever reason that in AD 2015, I'm going to write something every day for the entire year. If it pans out I may keep doing it until the day I die. You see, in 2013 I was diagnosed with a rare form of brain cancer, known as a GBM. The prognosis for these are grim. Most people don't live past 15 months even with radiation, and the chemo designed for it, Temodar.
Well, I am not most people. Today marks the 19th month of my survival. At first, I wasn't really scared, just pissed off that my entire life changed in the blink of an eye. I had things going damn good for me. Money in the bank, money to do whatever I wanted, when I wanted to, no questions asked.
Now, I have to watch what I spend, since I am on disability, and the money I did have was taken by the hospitals. Cancer is an expensive business. Now, I can't tell I have got it, other than the fucking boredom that comes along with the disability, and not knowing when you may kick off is the real kicker to the whole situation. Anyways, I'm along for the ride, no more thoughts of suicide thanks to a close friend of mine, and you know who you are. In closing I leave you with this:
I decided for whatever reason that in AD 2015, I'm going to write something every day for the entire year. If it pans out I may keep doing it until the day I die. You see, in 2013 I was diagnosed with a rare form of brain cancer, known as a GBM. The prognosis for these are grim. Most people don't live past 15 months even with radiation, and the chemo designed for it, Temodar.
Well, I am not most people. Today marks the 19th month of my survival. At first, I wasn't really scared, just pissed off that my entire life changed in the blink of an eye. I had things going damn good for me. Money in the bank, money to do whatever I wanted, when I wanted to, no questions asked.
Now, I have to watch what I spend, since I am on disability, and the money I did have was taken by the hospitals. Cancer is an expensive business. Now, I can't tell I have got it, other than the fucking boredom that comes along with the disability, and not knowing when you may kick off is the real kicker to the whole situation. Anyways, I'm along for the ride, no more thoughts of suicide thanks to a close friend of mine, and you know who you are. In closing I leave you with this:
Do not stand at my grave and weep
I am not there; I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow,
I am the diamond glints on snow,
I am the sun on ripened grain,
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awaken in the morning's hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry,
I am not there; I did not die.
I am not there; I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow,
I am the diamond glints on snow,
I am the sun on ripened grain,
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awaken in the morning's hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry,
I am not there; I did not die.
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